The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
