lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
