I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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