You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
