I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
