i just had sex bonerless
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
soo... how was my night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
