somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I party with great urgency now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
