My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
