Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
