I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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