please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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