I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
