last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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