Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
