Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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