why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
