what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
