More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
