They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
