I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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