I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
