This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
