i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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