A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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