eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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