He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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