I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
