Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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