I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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