Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
