I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
