So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
