My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
