I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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