I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
