why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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