Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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