I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
