I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
