I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
