I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
