Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
