Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
