I haven't been this sober since birth.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
