so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
