no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
