i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
