You smell like stripper and shame
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
