How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
