That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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