I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
