The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
