I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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