Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I AM VODKA MAN
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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