Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
