i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
