I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
