THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
