I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
