Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
