Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
