I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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