Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
