getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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