next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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