i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
