The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
