I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
