I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize