i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
