I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
