Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
