I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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