you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
