By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
